So, I'm going to make this entry to help organize myself real quick and give whoever actually checks in on this journal a bit of an update.

1. I moved in with Arpad, and that's been going well. I like Bradford, for the most part, and rather than just being irritating the snow is actually sort of pretty. It hasn't really gotten old yet (I'm sure the recent acquisition of warmer clothes has helped that). We all actually prefer the snow over just cold dead ground, and we're in the middle of a pretty impressive snowstorm right now. The weather here hasn't gotten me down nearly as much as the much less severe weather in Clarion had been all fall semester. I really thought I was having some sort of reaction to the season -- or some sort of seasonal depression or something, because I was feeling quite unmotivated and down for a long time. Probably since September. I'm fine here, though. The companionship is probably helping. I'm grateful for that.

2. Classes start again on the 6th (which is a Wednesday). I managed to ace all of my classes this past semester and I am SO SO SO SO HAPPY. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. Did I mention I was happy? Not that my grade point average transfers over (as I found out) but my Clarion transcript is accessible and that will certainly aid me when I apply to a graduate program in the next couple of years (probably less time than that now - eesh). If I'm lucky I can maintain my four-oh at Bradford, but I'm not holding my breath on that. For one, they implement a scale of grading that incorporates A-minuses and the like into their system. I know for sure that some of my As at Clarion would have been A-minuses at Bradford. I guess that just means I have to work harder? For one thing, this obsession about maintaining my GPA has pushed me and as much stress as it causes me now, I'm sure I'll be happy about it years from now. Even if I don't graduate with a 4.0, my GPA should remain high and that can really only do good things for me.

3. Looks like there is little preventing me from studying abroad next year, aside from my own anxiety. I spoke to the lady at Bradford that coordinates study abroad for students and spoke to her about wanting to go to Australia. She sent me information about it, and the only thing that seemed to be standing in my way (read: money) seems to be a non-issue. Even without scholarships (which I am not counting out) I should be able to go on my current aid. I'm going to try and save up as much money as I can though. How much it will cost depends on where I go, of course, but having been researching my options through various programs the past week or so, I really think I'd prefer to go to Sydney. However, even more than that, how long should I go? Their school year starts in February. I can either go for a semester or a year. Feel free to make a pro and con list for me if you feel up to it!

So, what do I have to do before classes start again?

1. Get a relatively larger chunk of commissions done. I'm over halfway done with the Skittle wolf commission I am doing. It's turning out beautifully and I'm quite proud, but I'd like for my work load to lesson as the semester starts so that I can feel less guilty about focusing on my studies. Perhaps I'll be getting a job at the library, too, so that will eat up some of my time as well. I desperately need the money though.

2. Figure out a way to buy my textbooks. Good luck on this one, I say to myself~~~.

3. Call up the scary PHEAA robot lady on the phone to try and get them to transfer my state grant to Bradford. For fuck's sake. Did I mention that I called them up last week, was on the phone with a robot lady for EVER, got exasperated and shouted at it --

Me: CAN I JUST SPEAK TO A REAL PERSON, PLEASE?
Robot: Please wait one moment while I get someone on the line.

So that scared the unholy shit out of me. Anyway.

4. Mail out books, mail out completed commissions. Not a real issue besides the fact that Bradford is buried in snow at the moment and I am at the mercy of the car.



Other aggravations include Arpad's grandparents. His grandfather is lovely. It's his grandmother that is horrible. She's had advanced Alzheimer's for quite some time now is absolutely impossible. She wasn't exactly a wonderful person in her pre-crazy days, either, but now she's simply intolerable. Arpad is losing his mind over it, as is his mother, and I'm not fairing too well, either. She is all but incontinent, completely insane (and sometimes violent!) and has a habit of just throwing things in the garbage. I hope they leave soon because I know we're all getting a bit twitchy over it. I still cannot find my favorite necklace and I suspect that after they leave we will be searching all of the trash that we've made since they've been here. Sigh.

She keeps leaving the shaped sugar cookies left over from Christmas in strange places though, and that's been sort of amusing. Found a red and white-frosted Santa riding the ceramic rooster yesterday.

Allies co-sponsored a fairly successful make-your-own-sundae event with Hillel tonight, and while I was sitting in the room someone handed me a ladybug that had gotten in the building somehow.

So, I got up and walked to the back door of Gemmell to put her out. I stood out there and tried to get her to crawl off of my hand onto the wall outside, and as I was doing that an old man and his wife were walking past me to walk into the building. The old guy saw what I was doing and smiled really big and said, "Good for you!"

It made me really happy, hahaha.

Eee.

So, last night Joe Wilson brought his documentary Out in the Silence to my college campus. Our advisor found out about the film and he agreed to come here and present it, and I think it went so well. I heard the total was 350 people. Holy *SHIT*.

The documentary itself was very interesting and at least for me very easy to relate to.

Here's some information on it:
http://wpsu.org/outinthesilence/

There was a sort of panel/Q&A after the film. The chairperson for the PA human relations committee was there and he was excellent. Really a wonderful speaker and of course I always appreciate when people are brutally honest, especially in response to those who are brutally dishonest.

I even got to go on for a little bit and talk about my experiences coming out as transsexual in highschool. It was really eerie how a lot of what happened to me was echoed by that gay highschool student in the film from Franklin.

Anyway, everyone was really good. I'm so proud of everyone for doing it. It really couldn't have been more successful.

I am getting my shit together in this post. To-do list time!

Classes:
Psychology -
. study for test on Friday using study guides
. complete quiz online before Friday and post on discussion board
. catch up with reading

Anthropology -
. catch up with reading

Biology -
. study ass off for test on the 30th (MY BIRTHDAY, UGH)
. catch up with reading

Modern British Literature -
. finish reading Howards End (oops)
. read article in back of Howards End
. finish reading for A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

Civil War & Reconstruction -
. do reading
. do reading analysis
. finish reading The March


Transfer Application Stuff:
. write essay
. send in application
. remember to add Bradford to FAFSA

Note: Did you guys know that Pitt-Bradford lets you talk to the admissions counselors over AIM? What the fuck? What sort of crazy college is this? I IM'd the transfer application lady, she pulled my files, told me what I needed to do and then waived my application fee.

And they're so nice. What the hell.


Commissions:
. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/908542/
(whine) must get everything finished so I can take new ones / get more monies



And then my life will be ok, ok?

Other than my "walking" for fitness class this afternoon, but it's my last class of the day so maybe it won't be so bad.

I put on my baggiest tshirt and a comfortable pair of jeans and I just *don't care* today. Mostly because I put on like four shirts in my closet and I hated how I looked in all of them and I got really depressed and just put something loose on. It's starting to really get to me. All I want to do is be able to put a tshirt on without second-guessing everything because I'm afraid of someone being able to see the lines of my binder in the back or the fact that my torso is sometimes weirdly shaped because of the binder flattening things out where and digging in elsewhere and ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

I just want to be able to get dressed without it like ruining my day. Fucking hell.

I couldn't even get INTO BED last night until 3 am and I have class in 20 minutes and I'm really cranky. I want to go get some hot chocolate or something before class to cheer me up but I feel like I shouldn't because I can't really afford it. I used up so much flex already. I can't bring in any more income until I finish up the commissions that I already have because I'm backed up. :|

I don't know what to do. I wish my fucking financial aid would go through and they'd stop dicking me around with it. There was like a 20 dollar difference between something they had on file and my dad's W2s and it's like. REALLY? REALLY? I keep counting on at least a small refund check from that and it's frustrating me.

Why can't I just finish this semester and go to Bradford already? Honestly if I didn't care so much about maintaining my GPA I would just screw around the rest of the semester. I am just so borderline not caring.

Vombatiformes (3:55:42 PM): im gonna leave in a few to eat dinner
Vombatiformes (3:55:43 PM): sigh.
Vombatiformes (3:55:45 PM): alone
"Julie" (3:55:45 PM): ok
Vombatiformes (3:55:47 PM): :P
Vombatiformes (3:55:55 PM): unless you want to come with me to gemmell and i can eat there instead.
"Julie" (3:55:59 PM): We could eat at gemmell if you wanted company
Vombatiformes (3:56:02 PM): ...
"Julie" (3:56:03 PM): LOL
Vombatiformes (3:56:07 PM): STOP DOING THAT hahaha

of getting to listen to two guys rapping at each other while they were showering.

Seriously every trip to the bathroom these days is an adventure.

So, we are starting to read Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man in class this week and I am just TOO EXCITED ABOUT IT. I wanted to start re-reading it tonight but I wouldn't put it down and then I wouldn't sleep and then 9:30 Civil War & Reconstruction class tomorrow morning would be miserable.

College: COL OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
Degree: BACHELOR OF ARTS
Catalog: Fall 2008
Major 1: ENGLISH/
Major 2: HISTORY <--------
Minor 1:
Minor 2:

So, someone just locked all the bathroom stalls from the inside and nothing in the world is going to make me crawl on the floor to get under the doors and open them.

;__;

So, I just went down to the basement to throw my laundry in. I got into the elevator and hit my floor (seven). However, on the first floor, eleven people piled into the elevator and backed me into the corner. Very very tall, large people.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, the largest guy in the elevator turned over to me, started staring and pointed his finger straight at me, after which every other person in the elevator turned around to stare at me as well. Not moving, his finger never wavered, nor did their gaze. This went on until the 6th floor, when they all stumbled out without a word.

Whhyyyyy.

So. I hate living in a dorm with a communal bathroom.

It's awkward enough being a transsexual, but then you've got the normal gross bathroom shit going on, too.

It's hard to pee sometimes because I know the sound of me (sitting down, even) peeing is a different noise from a bio guy peeing, so I'm always afraid they're going to hear it and be like, "WTF?" I know they may not, but I get paranoid and then it doesn't come out.

But, just now I went in to pee. There are four stalls. The last one (and safest, most private one) was clogged with super diarrhea everywhere. I squealed and slammed the door closed. The one next to that had someone in it. The one next to that was clean and empty, so I closed the door and sat down.

It was fine for a minute and I was about to go, but then the other guy in the stall next to mine started loudly playing rap music from his phone. Which alarmed me long enough to keep me from going, and in that space of time, this very very large fat jock that lives on my floor came in and sat down in the first stall (the one on the OTHER side of me) and spread his legs out so far when he sat down that his FEET were in MY STALL.

So I just sat there with my head in my hands for five minutes trying not to cry and then left, having not peed.

;____;

So, I'm going back to college this Saturday! I'm really excited. I'm excited for the classes I'm taking and everything and seeing people again and being away from home, hahaha.

Also, I've lost 6lbs. :3 Yayyy.

30 more to go. <_<; I'm 154 right now. I want to be 125. :[

I want to work on commissions but my hands hurt.

I could read, though. I want to. Except that I feel guilty reading for pleasure while behind on commissions.

Blah blah blah.

Just finished Boo Boo Bunny's plush for our trade. Working on koisnake's last plushie. Iatro's plushie is in sort-of-production as well. But so much to doooo and with classes coming up I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint people with the amount of time it takes to get things done. I mean. I have no issues continuing to work through classes. That doesn't bother me at all. But I simply won't have as much free time as I do now so I'm worried that'll irritate people. Blah.

On Thursday Arpad & I are going away for a couple of days to visit Gettysburg, yaaay. I'm super excited about that. I'm taking a civil war & reconstruction course this fall, so I'm using that as an excuse for serious history geekery. I went years ago and really loved it so hopefully this time will be just as much fun. BATTLEFIELD TOURS ON HORSEBACK MAYBE?! AHH.

I forgot to go to the store to buy razors today. :[ Now I have to walk to the store tomorrow morning manmanman.











Also I'm angry because it's NOT TOMORROW. And tomorrow Arpad & I are seeing Rufus Wainwright eeeeeeee.

So, would anyone be willing to trade items or gold/neopoints to me on Gaia Online or Neopets for small plushie commissions?

That terrible feeling where you know you've done something terrible. Even after you do the right thing and sort it out with everyone involved, just that internal knowledge of what you've done? Like that achey feeling in your chest?

Does it ever go away?

I kick ass. Hahaha.

Ref given:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v29/kakurine/Eyerefsomething.png

Product:
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/vombatiformes/

I called my dad an hour ago to pick me up so we can get breakfast and he's not called or anything.

Man, I do not want to get old because he does this shit all the time.

It's my sister's birthday today so hopefully while we're out I'll be able to find something for her. Otherwise the day will involve the ever typical book browsing and some shopping, mostly for lack of anything better to do. It's rainy and dreary out. I have a lot of work to finish but I'm on track with everything, so I'm not too concerned about it. I've had to skip around a bit lately because my supply shipments have been really slow lately. D:

Also, why is it I can sleep for a normal amount of time and be as tired as I am now? I went to sleep at midnight last night, woke up a little after 7 this morning and I am *pooped*. Nevermind that yesterday I slept like 10 hours and was still *pooped*. I'm getting really tired of this. I went to the doctor to see if it was still the thyroid bullshit acting up, but we had bloodwork done and apparently it's all clear. The dose of synthroid I'm on is correct.

So what the fuck?